and if it was just how you wanted
you'd be glued to his bones and his brainstem,
but changing your image and attitudes
won't bring him back into your bedroom.

little swinger, your bottle is thinking too much
'cause you're aiming to please way off target.
and I'll tell you what you must already know
of amputating-- you're too slow.

first thing.
I was gone for a week, and this is what I come back to.
145 Deviations, 84 Messages
so if I'm slow getting through them, that's why.

second thing.
Last night I went to
CLASSIC CRIME
OWL CITY
RELIENT K
but I was really only there for Owl City.
it wassss
PRTTY KLLR.
That was just the adorable music and thrilling concert energy I needed to forget everything and
just
have
fun.
My only thought about him all night was
"I bet he wouldn't care that I'm having so much fun at this show.
I'm having so much fun at this show!"

that said,
third thing.
Generally, when someone says the door is closed, both people at least pretend that the door really is closed, and there's no going back.
We were doing a great job of that,
until he stopped pretending and put his hand on the doorknob.
Not only did he put his hand on the doorknob, but
he twisted it just a little,
just enough that I could hear it rattle.
So now what do I do?
Do I maintain my careful distance from the door?
Do I put my hand on the doorknob?
Do I just open the goddamn door already?
(if you're trying to tell me something in the language of jiggling doorknobs,
please spare me the doorknob-English dictionary hunt and just whisper through the keyhole.)
I'm going to ask him tomorrow.
"What did you mean to do by grabbing the handle?
What did you mean to do by shaking it like you'd lost the key?
Have you taken your hand off in the week we didn't see eachother?
Is it too late for me to put my hand on the doorknob too?"
I keep saying that I don't care what he says as long as he chooses a side:
open
or closed,
but of course I want him to open the door. Who am I kidding? Sure, it'd be easier to forget the door was ever there if he just closes it already, but I want it to be open. On the other side of that door is the most beautiful thing I have seen yet.

fourth thing.
I've been writing for contests. Or at least thinking about writing for contests. I've submitted one entry to the local contest, and hopefully will be submitting to DA contests.

fifth thing.
I love you!