to flatten the skyline and begin again.
I knew the years would move quickly,
but never quite as fast as this.

(you said the urn was half full,
and I said it was half empty
with what was left of our fair city.)



I find that when I don't know what to do, I speak to adults who have hopefully been here and remember what they learned.
I'm always afraid they'll judge me, because I judge myself. I'm just an angsty teenager, this is just petty drama, it won't matter in five years.

Today I was pleasantly proven wrong. Sure, it cost me two and a half hours of crying my face off like a damn fool, and for the rest of the night I'll have this headache and eyes drier than concrete, but it was worth it. I said I lot of things I needed to. I heard a lot of things that made me think.
(though, I've been doing more thinking lately than I ever remember doing at any one time before. maybe too much.)
I learned that I am so much more loved than I thought, because I chose to ignore the kind of love I wasn't looking for.
I learned that I have been trying to hide the truth from myself because I am afraid to face it, I am afraid to admit that I am not as strong as I want to be.
I learned that I am so much stronger now than I was before my ocean-eyed moonboy, and he is the one who gave me courage to grow.
I learned that my worries are shared, not just by my class and every class before and after me, but to an extent, by the teachers.
I learned how to admit that I am completely lost.

in other news, I'm working on a piece for a local writing competition. I'm not supposed to submit previously published work (including online), so I can't use anything here and I can't post the new one until after the competition. hah! it's really just a compilation of all the metaphors I've thought of so far, between Starshine and I. not my proudest, most original work, but I'll probably post it here eventually.